This past week was Spring Break in Oregon, as is tradition, my wife took the kids to visit their grandparents for a few days. Since I had a couple nights off during this time I rented a few movies that my wife wouldn’t necessarily approve of, as is my tradition. Usually there are a couple movies that end up being pretty good and I am vindicated, not this year.

I had heard that Farce of the Penguins was so funny, my sides would ache for days. The makers of this movie took extra footage from the folks who did March of the Penguins and made it funny (allegedly). The premise sounded great, real penguins talking to each other and making bawdy jokes. With voices from Bob Saget, Samuel L. Jackson and others, how can it miss. Well, it did, BIG TIME. I watched about 10 minutes and I literally felt my brain leaking out of my ears. And the worst part… NOT FUNNY. (strike one)

I saw the original Van Wilder movie several years ago with my buddy Tom over Thanksgiving break. When I heard that they were making a sequel, I was intrigued, when I heard that Ryan Reynolds wasn’t in it, I was slightly disappointed. When I rented Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj I was disappointed BIG TIME. I tolerated this cheap facsimile for a whole 30 minutes before I took it out of the DVD player to avoid burning out the laser from the overwhelming lame jokes and feeble attempts to copy the jokes from the original. (strike two)

The movie version of one of my all time favorite cop shows was ok. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx gave good performances as Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs (respectively) with a gritty and violent update on the theme of the original show. While Farrell’s “Crockett” stole the show, I kept hoping that we would see the houseboat and Elvis the gator. Sadly, neither made an appearance. The only criticism I have of Miami Vice was the lack of an amazing soundtrack. The only nod to the original was a rather sappy and anemic cover of Phil Collins’ In the Air Tonight towards the end of the movie. I just didn’t feel that the movie did the classic series justice. If this movie did anything, it gave me an incredible desire to dig up Miami Vice on DVD and go back to those glorious 80’s when Crockett & Tubbs cleaned up Miami and looked damn good doing it.

Redemption came from good ol Rick.
For some reason I had not seen Minority Report. Tom Cruise gave his usual great but not original performance (he plays the same role in EVERY movie). The movie is set in 2054, and you can get arrested for crimes you have not yet committed. Tom plays the Chief of Pre-Crime and is shocked out of his pants when he is gathering evidence from the visions of ‘pre-cognitives’ and sees that the next murder will be committed by him. Of course he becomes a hunted man and has an eye transplant surgery because there are retinal scanners everywhere for identification and personalized ads. Imagine walking into Target and having a hologram greet you by name and ask how the last purchase is working out, then suggest something you may like. OR, walking along the street and a Gap ad tells you (by name) how good you would look in Gap Khakis! The scanners also help the cops track the people. This film was directed by Steven Spielberg on top of having Tom Cruise. This movie redeemed the whole weekend. Thanks Rick.

Now, when the wife returns, we are watching The Pursuit of Happyness, I hear that Will Smith guy does a good job.

The March 26, 2007 issue of Newsweek magazine had an article on GodTube. Newsweek states the fact that many of the blogs I read have been railing against. Some smart guy comes along, sees something that is amazingly popular, like YouTube and makes a Christian version of it.
The biggest problem with doing this in any arena is that it flies in the face of that whole “be salt and light” thing or “do not be transformed by the world, but be transformers of the world”. The only people who are going to look at GodTube are already Christians, people who are curious to see what’s going on in the Christian Ghetto and maybe find a really nifty Newsboys video.

There are some other cool things on the site, like the Mac vs. PC parodies. After reading through the comments, I discovered there are way too many stupid church people who apparently got onto their kids’ computer when they were left alone. One of the comments actually banged on the character who identified himself as a Christ-follower, kinda proves the point didn’t he?

This video had me laughing out loud! No wonder it is the #2 most played video on the site… but again, only Christians (with a sense of humor) will get the joke.

“…got her name engraved, so you know she’s saved” What the?!?!

When you are a baseball fan, there is a load of crap that you have to put up with in order to enjoy the purity of the game. 1. The way many commentators kiss the ‘effin Yankees collective butt. 2. Barry Bonds 3. The Designated Hitter, and 4. $7 Mariner Dogs. Although, the biggest IDIOT on the PLANET has to be Steve Swindal, George Steinbrenners’ son-in-law. This schmo was served divorce papers this week by The Boss’ daughter. In a divorce most guys lose a house, a car, their golf clubs, time with their kids, THIS guy is losing the ‘effin YANKEES. If I were Steve Swindal, my wife could ask me to mow the lawn in a gorilla suit… I’m going to be The Boss of the ‘effin Yankees someday. My answer to ANYTHING George’s baby girl asks me is YES DEAR! Now, on to the 2007 season.
**DISCLAIMER — It’s hard to make predictions when it comes to Major League Baseball. Anything can happen. Players get hurt, hitters have protracted slumps, journeyman infielders have unexpected career years, and former all-star pitchers suddenly can’t find the plate. Anything can happen. So predictions are very dangerous; but they are also a lot of fun. Here are my educated guesses about what is going to happen during the 2007 Major League Baseball Season.

AL EAST: I’ll get this one out of the way right off the bat so I can stop holding my nose. After over a century of baseball dominance and 26 World Series Trophies (none since 2000… curse of A-Rod??), it seems a safe bet to put the ‘effin Yanks at the top of the pile in the AL East. My reasoning is based in their amazing pitching staff. They are getting Pettite back after three years with the Astros (and maybe The Rocket).

AL CENTRAL: With one of the top line ups in all of the majors, the Minnesota Twins are my favorite here. Last years MVP Justin Morneau doesn’t show any signs of letting up on his 2006 performance, catcher Joe Mauer won the batting title last year with a .347, then you throw in Mike Cuddyer, Torii Hunter, Luis Castillo, Jason Bartlett, Rondell White, and Matthew LeCroy! The Twins have plenty of bats to ensure much activity in October. Do I even have to mention the studs they have on the mound? Johann Santana (2007 Cy Young winner) and Joe Nathan. **I would have put the Tigers here just based on their ‘06 season, but I just read that Kenny Rogers is out until All-Star break (at least).

AL WEST: I could be a homer and put the M’s here. But they didn’t make any significant moves in the off season (why won’t they open up the Nintendo checkbook and for guys like Zito?). The nod goes to the Halo’s. They only made two significant additions to the roster in the off season, Shea Hillenbrand and Gary Matthews, Jr.(he’s a question mark). But adding that to; Vladimir Guerrero, Garrett Anderson, and Chone Figgins who all need to produce often and big if this team is to win the West. The best thing going for Los Angeles is a serious lack of competition in the West (sigh). Now, on to the senior league.

NL EAST: Again, gotta go with the ’stud factor’. Ryan Howard and Chase Utley will be odds on favorites for the NL MVP crown this year. The Phillies continue to have a dominating pitching staff. With the addition of Freddy Garcia, who could win 20 games now that he’s in the National League, there is plenty here to keep the Mets and the Braves nervous all season.

NL CENTRAL: I want to pick the Cubbies here SO BAD but my friend Ben would stuff my inbox with 101 reasons why the Cards will rise to the top of the central, so I gotta go with the 2006 Champs. To be blunt, this division sucks, big time. Which isn’t really a surprise, since it sucked last year, but not much has changed. I’m taking the Cardinals as long as Carpenter and Pujols stay healthy. Brewers are young and talented but I don’t think they’re quite there yet. After that, it’s anyone’s guess. I feel confident that the Reds and Pirates will take up the rear, but I don’t feel confident about much else.

NL WEST: Dodger Blue is back in full force. After winning the Wild Card in 2006, the Dodgers lost their top outfielder, but picked up two veteran starters who will give them one of the best starting rotations in baseball. Its still not Koufax and Drysdale, but with Brad Penny and Derek Lowe, it’s pretty close. The Dodgers have amazing pitching and light hitting, but will still win the NL West.

NL WILD CARD: Chicago Cubs
AL WILD CARD: Detroit Tigers

Let’s Hand out some awards.

* American League Most Valuable Player: Grady Sizemore-CLE
* American League Cy Young Award Winner: Johann Santana-MIN
* American League Rookie of the Year: Delmon Young-TB
* American League Manager of the Year: Joe Torre-NYY

* National League Most Valuable Player: Chase Utley-PHI
* National League Cy Young Award Winner: Roy Oswalt-HOU
* National League Rookie of the Year: Chris Young-ARZ
* National League Manager of the Year: Lou Piniella-CHC

The Fall Classic? I’m holding my nose again…. the ‘effin Yankees over the Dodgers in Six.

Feel free to comment on what I may (or may not) be smokin.

As you may (or may not) have noticed, I have not posted my WeightWatchers progress for a couple weeks. My usual weigh-in day is Friday, and I have been working the last two Fridays for my co-workers who felt they needed three-day weekends… selfish bastards!
The fact is, I DID weigh in on the 16th… it just wasn’t anything I wanted to shout from the rooftops. Like most WeightWatchers, I wear light clothing when I step on the scales. I remove my shoes, keys, cellphone, etc. to shave a couple extra ounces off my digits. Think what you will, but you should wear similar clothing when you go to weigh each week. Well on the 16th, I didn’t. I took a break from work, stepped on the scale wearing jeans, a belt, and shirt that weighs a bit more than a t-shirt. So I went up. I didn’t bother to stop in last week.
Without further delay… Anton, drum roll please… 2.6 lbs down for a total of 23.4 pounds since January 1.

I’ll be rockin’ in a Speedo in NO TIME!

Courtesy of the folks over at Busted Tees

Courtesy of the folks at Donkey T’s

I wonder which shirt ‘J’, the American Idol Hunger Striker, is wearing?